Between Two Kingdoms

Suleika thought she would grow up to be “the Mother Teresa of strays” (148). The animal shelter dogs remind her of herself, “outsiders, searching for a home” (149). But getting a dog is impossible due to her weak immune system. But while seeing a new transplant doctor, she asks again if she can get a dog. The doctor agrees that a dog could be good therapy.

That afternoon Suleika and Will visit shelters. Suleika finds a schnoodle with “sparse white fur that barely concealed his mottled purplish flesh and floppy ears [...] [and] a scruffy goatee and a mischievous glint in his eyes” (150). Will is skeptical of having a dog, but Suleika reassures him with a plan for how she will care for it. He replies: “‘You are relentless’ [...] with the hint of a smile” (150).

Her first night with her new dog, Oscar, is the happiest since she was diagnosed with leukemia, but the next day she realizes how much work he will be. Her days begin to take shape around caring for him. She is cancer free but needs weekly chemotherapy treatments. She and Oscar go on walks together. Now, he is the topic of conversation rather than her illness.

Suleika no longer needs a daily caregiver. The readers of her column respond with letters and emails, but she often doesn’t feel the need or have the energy to write them back. Early in her maintenance chemotherapy, Suleika meets Melissa, who is receiving treatment for Ewing sarcoma. They have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and get to know each other. Melissa is an artist and worked for several years with a famous contemporary painter. Melissa did a series of watercolors, Self-Portrait with Mask, from her bed. She invites Suleika to visit, and she will paint her portrait.

The two women spend time together outside the hospital. Melissa lets Suleika borrow wigs and gives her make-up tutorials. They talk about love and how to find love in illness and discuss potential trips together: “Two skinny girls, all elbows and knees, protruding cheekbones, and buzzed heads full of desperate dreams for the future—any future, as long as we could be there” (158).

Melissa learns that her cancer has spread to her lungs, and she decides to go to India with an organization that helps cancer survivors volunteer. Suleika worries about what will happen if Melissa gets sick. Melissa replies, “What’s the worst that can happen? […] Suleika, for the first time, I feel like I’m going to die” (159). In India, Melissa teaches painting and visits tourist sites, and she texts Suleika that she has “never felt more alive” (159).

Will seems more “restless and frustrated” (160). After she goes to bed, he gets up and leaves the house for a walk or to go to the bar down the street. Suleika waits up until he gets home. Suleika doesn’t like that she needs him all the time, especially since he seems less willing to give help. Will says they need more support, and he needs a break. Will decides to attend a music festival with friends. Suleika has surgery and chemotherapy scheduled when he plans to be gone. She is furious and asks him why he takes breaks when she needs him most. He responds that there never seems to be a good time. Suleika throws a glass globe at Will. She misses him, and it shatters all over the floor. Will says, “What the hell,” (160), and Suleika responds: “This is my hell” (161). After they go to bed she tries to apologize, but he is already asleep. He leaves the next morning.

Melissa is beautiful, a magnet for the teenage boys in pediatric oncology. Johnny is one of the boys who have a crush on her. He has leukemia and lives at the Ronald McDonald House with his mother. He tries to impress Melissa with his college stories of keg parties. Max Ritvo is another friend of Melissa and Suleika. He has the same diagnosis as Melissa. Together, they form a “motley cancer crew,” and they add to their group as the weeks pass. They take care of each other by going to appointments and comparing notes on their illnesses and treatments.

When Suleika is invited to speak at a conference in Las Vegas, the women in the group get permission from their doctors to join her. They swim at the pool, eat pizza, and drink champagne, and they stay up late talking about “post-chemotherapy hairstyling tips and fears of relapse” but also a cute chef that one of the women, Erika, met online (166). Erika tells them about how she texted him that she had cancer, and the chef responded with flowers and a note that said: “Doesn’t change a thing. XOXO” (167). The women gush at how Suleika and Will are the perfect couple. Suleika shrugs.

Suleika introduces her and Will’s sex history. They desired each other even after her diagnosis and got caught having sex in hospital rooms. Since the transplant, sex has been painful for Suleika because of early menopause. This has been difficult for her to admit to Will. Mostly, she avoids him, and when they do have sex, she disassociates. She doesn’t have the vocabulary to understand what is happening to her because no one has told her that this is a common side effect of the treatments she received. On the last night in Las Vegas Suleika tells the women how painful sex has been for her, and each of them says that they have experienced something similar.