50 pages • 1 hour read
Content Warning: This section discusses racism and abuse.
Villaseñor discusses the discriminatory policies of the American educational system against Mexican Americans. Through his own school experiences, he demonstrates how racism and unqualified teaching impeded his academic progress and affected his psychology as a kid.
While attending an integrated English school, Villaseñor experienced discrimination and abuse both within and outside of the classroom. Mexican, Black, and Indigenous students would sit at the back of the class and were often marginalized during the learning process. As a Spanish-speaking student, Villaseñor struggled with the “English only” policy, which was often enforced by violence. Racist teachers would use physical abuse against Mexican students for speaking their native language. They would also perpetuate racial stereotypes of Mexicans as inherently “bad” and “dirty” people, undermining the students’ confidence and ability to integrate with their white peers. The other children mirrored the racist attitudes of their teachers and parents, bullying and teasing Villaseñor. Due to his undiagnosed dyslexia, Villaseñor struggled with reading and writing. Teachers failed to recognize his problem, deeming him a “slow learner” and further marginalizing him.
In response to the atmosphere of constant discrimination, Villaseñor began to experience nightmares. Realizing that his ethnic identity was a key factor in his constant marginalization and his classmates’ contempt devastated Villaseñor’s self-esteem. Villaseñor began to internalize the racist stereotypes against Mexicans. He started seeing himself and his family as “dirty” and deceitful people, who were “stupid” and “closer to the animals,” compared to the supposedly more intelligent white people (68).
Villaseñor criticizes the American school system for perpetuating racist ideas and the marginalization of immigrant groups and people of color. As a Mexican American student, he realized that educational policies reflected the racist social hierarchy of American society, perpetuating intolerance and white supremacy. He notes that instilling feelings of inferiority and worthlessness in students’ minds promotes a culture of inequality that pervades American history: “I now realized that this was how you enslaved a people. You didn’t just bring them over in chains from Africa. No, you convinced them that they were inferior, not evolved, subhuman” (304).
Villaseñor rejects teachers’ roles as “authorities” when they create obstacles to cultural diversity and critical thinking. Villaseñor argues that children should be allowed to connect with their “Intuitive Genius” by accessing their inner selves. He also advocates for greater tolerance of other languages within classrooms. Ultimately, he advocates for an educational system rooted in cultural diversity and inclusivity.
One of the central themes in the memoir concerns the complexities of masculinity and identity. Villaseñor traces the various ways in which, throughout his childhood, his understanding of masculinity and his own identity as a Mexican American evolved.
Villaseñor’s father and brother often spoke to him about their ideals of masculinity. Juan and Joseph were both significant male role models for Villaseñor, deviating from the stereotypical machismo often attributed to Latino masculinity. Although Villaseñor’s father experienced his own struggles with violence, alcohol use disorder, and lawlessness, his lessons on manhood were usually rooted in love for women, respect for nature, and perseverance. He emphasized that “boys do not have to be boys” (139), suggesting that a sense of masculinity could be something more nuanced. He taught Villaseñor that he must be responsible for himself and not commit violence for “fun” or “torture.” His concept of the “burro macho” is key in Villasenor’s life as an adult, and redefines the idea of Mexican American masculinity by connecting male strength to resilience and kindness: “The head is weak, mijito. Always remember this, it is in our hearts that we men are strong […] A burro macho never quits or breaks down, no matter what!” (191).
Joseph represents an alternate masculine ethos which forms an important contrast to the violent ideals of masculinity that Villaseñor encountered at school. While men like Mr. Moses depicted masculinity as something built upon cruelty and domination, Joseph taught Villaseñor the importance of patience, humility, and compassion. Villaseñor spends part of the memoir recalling his struggles between succumbing to the violent masculinity of his peers or embracing Joseph’s gentler and more humane approach. After a particularly heated exchange with Mr. Moses one day, Villaseñor left the school determined to wreak violent revenge. However, upon witnessing his father forgiving the doctor who was negligent in treating Joseph’s illness, Villaseñor realized that his father was living by Joseph’s values, and that his own rage would never give him the inner peace he craved. Villaseñor thus ultimately embraced the masculine ideals his father and brother taught him, learning to renounce violence and embrace forgiveness instead.
His father’s and brother’s teachings are also inextricably connected to Indigenous tradition and grounded in ethnic pride. The two men demonstrated the crucial role of Catholic Christianity in Mexican identity, invoking God at critical times in their lives. Despite constant discrimination and undermining of his identity at school, Villaseñor’s connection with his culture helped him claim his identity. Through such lessons, Villaseñor was able to control his rage over his experience of racism, and instead of manifesting aggressive masculinity, he found healing and peace.
Family and community have always been crucial to Villasenor’s life, offering him the spiritual and mental sustenance he could not find at school. Despite feeling frequently discouraged by his experiences of discrimination and bullying at school, he found empowerment through his family and community.
Villaseñor’s mother supported him emotionally, while his father and brother reminded him of his self-worth and the importance of taking pride in his culture. Villaseñor’s father taught him about the importance of generosity, attention, and independence while promoting the Indigenous ideology of an interconnected existence. His father highlighted the importance of family, reminding him that he, along with his sister and mother, had defended their home during the Mexican Revolution. When Villaseñor felt like a failure at school, his father encouraged him by telling him that technical training is less important than learning “how to think and how to work” (134)—advice that empowered Villaseñor and helped him persevere.
Villaseñor’s brother Joseph also helped to empower him. Through teaching Villaseñor the marbles game, Joseph demonstrated the importance of developing technique, consistent practice, attention, and critical judgment in achieving his learning goals. Emphasizing that the ability to listen is “the beginning of all learning” (108), Joseph suggested that life itself depends on such learning processes and that learning can be fun instead of stressful. Under Joseph’s guidance, Villaseñor started regaining confidence at school.
Villaseñor also describes the courage and inspiration he found from teachers and friends who were open and kind to him. The two white cowboys praised his family’s sense of community and togetherness against the individualism of white Americans, demonstrating respect and appreciation for Mexican culture. Their behavior helped Villaseñor realize that not all white people are racists. Villaseñor also met white teachers who inspired him with their freedom and openness. In the first chapters, he relates his experience with a substitute teacher at the Army Naval Academy, to whom he attributes his love of writing. The teacher focused on Villaseñor’s storytelling ability rather than his reading and writing problems, empowering his imagination and creativity: “He’d cut across the valleys of my deepest doubts, giving light to the darkest crevices of my beaten-down, inhibited mind, accessing a natural storytelling ability within me” (31).
Thus, despite his struggles with discrimination, educational barriers, and learning difficulties, Villaseñor found hope and empowerment through his family and a community of people that countered racist attitudes. With their example and encouragement to guide him, Villaseñor ultimately overcame the struggles that he faced.
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