Exhalation

Another novella, the story is in the third person perspective and focuses on Nat, a recovering drug addict. Nat works for a company called SelfTalk, which buys, sells, and rents prisms, short for “Plaga inter world signaling mechanism” (273). Prisms are computer-like consoles that, when used for the first time, create a parallel timeline that the user is then able to communicate with. Prisms decay with use, with video messages taking more energy than text or audio. After enough use, communication between the two timelines ceases, “incommunicado forever after” (274). Older prisms that still have battery are particularly valuable, as they allow people to see even more differences between their life and the life of their “paraselves” (272).

Companies like SelfTalk aren’t thriving like they used to, as prisms have become affordable enough for most people to buy their own. To help keep the business running, Nat’s manager, Morrow, resorts to extortion and manipulation. He tricks a dying woman, Jessica Oehlsen, into believing she is sending the last of her money to her paraself (which isn’t possible). In reality, Morrow pockets the money.

When she’s not at work, Nat attends a support group for others with problematic prisms experiences. A therapist named Dana facilitates the group. She has never used a prism herself. One of the attendees, Lyle, has fallen into habitual self-doubt after buying a prism and seeing his paraself happier after not accepting a job offer. As a group, everyone tries to help each other grapple with the jealously, anxiety, and entitlement that can result from using prisms.

Nat turns out to be attending the support group under false pretenses; Morrow has sent her to the group. In Nat’s world, the “pop singer Scott Otsuka and movie star Roderick Ferris” (293) were in a car accident, and Roderick died. Lyle’s prism is a parallel universe where Roderick lived, and Scott died. Nat plans to convince Lyle to sell his prism to SelfTalk. After, Nat and Morrow will charge a high price to Scott Otsuka to “let him talk with his dead husband” (294).

Nat rationalizes collaborating with Morrow. However, she knows that her current situation isn’t healthy, and she plans to eventually save up and find another job.

Meanwhile, the therapist Dana struggles with her own personal baggage, too. In high school, she and her best friend, Vinessa, were on a field trip to Washington DC when they were caught with Vicodin they had brought for a party. Stuck in a difficult situation, Dana blamed Vinessa. The school suspended Vinessa, and she fell into a cycle of bad habits.

In the present, Vinessa is trying to turn her life around, and she visits Dana after a group meeting. Dana offers to pay for Vinessa’s community college tuition, even though she knows Vinessa is using her. Nat overhears some of their conversation and approaches Vinessa afterward. Nat and Vinessa get drinks, and Nat learns about Dana’s past mistake.

Nat tells the group she sold her prism and has been feeling better about herself since then. This is all a lie, as Nat doesn’t have a prism. She just wants to persuade Lyle into selling his prism. The story works. A few sessions later, inspired by Nat’s story, Lyle tells the group “I’m going to get rid of my prism” (312). Nat suggests Lyle goes to SelfTalk and offers to go with him. After months of planning, Lyle sells his prism to SelfTalk, saying he feels “Kind of sad, kind of relieved” (315). Morrow’s plan is coming to fruition. Then, suddenly, a man named Glenn Oehlsen walks into SelfTalk. He is the son of Jessica Oehlsen, and he demands Morrow give him the money Morrow stole from his mother. Morrow refuses and tries to snake his way out of the conflict. Glenn moves to leave but changes his mind and shoots Morrow.

Despite Morrow’s death, Nat decides to continue with the plan. She contacts Scott Otsuka’s personal assistant, Ornella. When they meet up, Ornella notices Nat “seemed almost apologetic about what she was doing” (323). Nat knows other people would simply give the prism to Scott out of kindness. Still, Scott agrees to buy the prism for a high price because “any extra time [Roderick and him] had together was worth it” (330).  Before going through with the transaction, Nat debates whether to take the money.

Time passes, and Nat has moved to a new town. She attends a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, saying she was recently presented with a difficult decision, and ultimately did the right thing. She confesses “It was hard for me because I’ve made a lot of little decisions to be selfish in the past. So I’m the reason it’s hard for me to be generous. That’s something I need to fix” (336). The group welcomes Nat, and she listens intently when another new member begins telling his story.

In the final scene, Dana comes home and finds an unlabeled package at her door. Inside is a tablet with “half a dozen video files” (336). Dana watches the videos and finds they are from other timelines where she didn’t blame Vinessa for having the Vicodin in high school. No matter what, Vinessa ended up going down a path of self-destruction. Seeing this, Dana forgives herself for what she did. The video files in question “had activation dates that were fully fifteen years in the past” (340), meaning whoever obtained the files paid a fortune to get them, as most prisms are depleted before lasting that long. The story ends with Dana unaware that Nat spent the money she made from selling Lyle’s prism to help Dana get the closure she needed.