17 pages • 34 minutes read
In the refrain “and momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed” (Lines 10-11, 22-23, 34-35), the bedroom door is a symbol of both the physical and emotional distance between the speaker and her mother.
This symbol is central to the poem and has several aspects. The door symbolizes the colorism of the speaker’s mother—it is a barrier that was created by prejudice about skin color, physically segregating the family space. The door also symbolizes emotional unavailability and neglect: Although the speaker is wrestling with many fears and insecurities about her life and changing body, she does not feel able to approach her mother with her concerns. The door is thus also an emotional barrier that excludes the speaker from receiving positive maternal connection and support. The closed door may also suggest that the speaker feels pressured into stepping into a more independent and adult role than she feels ready for: She says there is “too much / that has to be done” (Lines 20-21), which could be due to her mother hiding in her room rather than taking care of familial and household issues.
Death is a specter that hangs over the poem, creating an important motif that alludes to the speaker’s insecurities and vulnerabilities as a young Black woman. The word “die” is repeated in the first and second stanzas, in Lines 8 and 15. The speaker is not simply entertaining some morbid curiosity or fear of death: Her fears about death are due to experiencing Racism in America, embodying a very real danger for many Black Americans. The Maternal Colorism and Neglect in her home add to her fears of death. Her mother’s behavior echoes some of the racism that occurs outside the home. There are multiple reminders of her physical difference that could lead to the speaker’s death. In the final stanza, the speaker asks, “will I live long enough / to grow up” (Line 32-33). This is similar to the questions with the word “die,” and comes before the final repetition of her mother’s closed bedroom door. The speaker, who fears that she will not experience adulthood, cannot approach another adult—her neglectful mother—with questions about life and death due to the same prejudices that threaten her sense of safety.
The black body of the speaker is referenced throughout the poem, symbolizing vulnerability and insecurity induced by racism. In the poem’s second line, the speaker says, “my skin has betrayed me.” This can refer to adolescent acne, but takes on a second meaning when read alongside other indicators of the speaker’s Blackness. She mentions her “ashy” knees in the same stanza, alluding to a skin condition common amongst darker-skinned people. The “betrayal” of skin is not simply hormonal for the speaker, but also about its pigmentation and the implications that go along with having dark skin in a racist society. The speaker’s skin is also a vulnerability even within the family home, with her mother remaining apart from her “with the door closed” (Line 11), an allusion to Maternal Colorism and Neglect. The speaker thus must grapple with the changes experienced by her body through adolescence, and the prejudices and dangers she is exposed to as a young Black woman.
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By Audre Lorde