I Will Save You

Kidd writes a letter to himself in his notebook. He recalls when he and Devon snuck out of Horizons. After wandering through a street fair, both had to pee badly, but the line at the portable bathrooms was interminable. At a store, they were denied use of the restrooms, so they snuck out a back door to relieve themselves.

When Kidd starts working for Red, who Kidd calls mister and sir, the man tells him that most people sleepwalk through life. He is recovering from addiction to alcohol and once believed that drinking was the only thing that made him feel alive. His sponsor convinced him that this is an illusion, which reminds Kidd of his mother falling asleep with wine in front of the television. Later, Kidd buys a notebook to write down Red’s advice and letters to himself. Then, he continues the story when he and Devon relieved themselves behind the store. When they heard a pit bull growling, they raced a long distance to safety. Running and laughing made Kidd feel alive.

Back in the present, Kidd struggles to remember what happened during the grunion run. He cannot recall if Devon died, how people reacted, when the police beat him, or when he was in the back of the police car. Feeling hollow, he longs to remember, so he could determine if what he did was right.

Kidd remembers how his mom never looked in a person’s eyes or answered the phone. She called Kidd her lucky charm. Although he memorized her last letter to him, he does not share its contents. He recalls how she would fall asleep with an empty wine glass in hand. His dad would periodically visit, but one day she got a restraining order against him. However, that night she let him in their apartment. Most of all, he remembers her saying “I love you” every morning, which he secretly cherished.

Kidd believes in honesty, even if it is hard to hear. Without revealing details, he says his mom was honest about his dad. One exception was the night his father appeared, and his mom let him in despite the restraining order. From the hallway, Kidd watched his dad beg for money. Although Kidd says so explicitly, he suggests that his father was a drug addict. Kidd recalls his mom’s expression as if she knew what was to come.

Kidd first met Red at Horizons, a group home for troubled youth. Red would visit Maria, his girlfriend and Kidd’s counselor. Red and Kidd got along well. Eventually, Red requested that Kidd come work for him, but was denied because Kidd was “at-risk.”

Now, a year later, Kidd runs away to Red’s campground where the man hires him to do maintenance. Red gives Kidd a tour of the grounds, discussing his views on women. After Kidd meets Peanut, a stray dog, Red takes him to a hidden patch of fence on the cliff to watch the sunset. When Red falls silent, Kidd’s mind wanders to the night his dad came to their apartment begging for money. His mother refused to help and his father punched her in the face, knocking her out. Terrified, a young Kidd stopped breathing and peed his pants. His father locked eyes with him. Kidd still feels those eyes boring into him, even now.

Alone, Kidd hears voices and cannot tell if they are real. A woman who sounds like Olivia reads from his philosophy of life book. It is completely dark.

Devon has lived in foster care most of his life. He once attempted to die by ingesting a whole bottle of pills. Another time, Devon picked a fight and got pummeled, popping up for more despite losing teeth and getting bloodied. He did not stop until the police intervened. Devon constantly talks about girls and how he hates rich people. Sometimes he seems happy, but other days he is silent. Kidd wishes they were not friends, but Devon makes Kidd feel less alone.

One Saturday, Kidd waits for Red. When Red arrives, he tells Kidd they do not work on the weekend. Unsure what to do, Kidd wanders the beach. When two girls say hi, he feels like they know he is from Horizons. Eventually, he meanders to a park where he spots a beautiful girl reading on a swing, and he gets a weird feeling. This is Olivia, a girl from the campsite. When she looks up and waves, he hides behind a bush. After a while, he follows her to the campsite, where she scares him and runs away laughing. Kidd vows to speak to her, hoping she will think he is a “regular kid.”

In Kidd’s dream, he floats across a sleeping town to the beach. Kidd lowers himself next to Olivia, who wears her ski cap pulled low. He listens to what she learned about him from the Horizons staff. Olivia shares a secret about her playing piano. Kidd wants to tell her she plays beautiful music, but no words come out. She explains that she began playing when she was little and immediately excelled. When her father realized her talent, he hired a famous teacher, and Olivia quickly became the pride of her parents and instructor. At seven, however, her progress slowed, and praise waned. Olivia realized that compliments were her only reason for playing. She lost motivation and quit. Now, without the pressure, she plays for herself and only practices when alone. She also tells Kidd that she cannot understand his actions, but promises to wait for his explanation. As he thinks that he is not worth it, a wind carries him away. When he wakes in the dark, he feels as if he is dying.