Invisible Emmie

“It’s all good, but what about books starring other kinds of kids? You know, the ones who aren’t exactly weird…or smart…or…well, this.”

Emmie’s story challenges stereotypical stories about kids in middle school, their personalities, and the conflicts they overcome. Emmie doesn’t feel like she fits into her peer group or into these stories; she is on the outside somewhere instead. In this way, Emmie’s story is more relatable because it features a protagonist that is more realistic and experiences common problems.

My mom says I was chattier when I was little, so my theories are:

a)  I got tired of trying to be heard over my sibs and clammed up, or…

b) Once they got older and busier, I didn’t have anyone to talk to except grown-ups. And who wants to talk to grown-ups?”

Emmie lists off the possible explanations for her quietness. In doing so, she demonstrates her own skills of self-reflection and admits that she does not necessarily know all the answers to her problems.

“Sometimes I think I need something in between.”

In this statement, Emmie is referring to the way her parents are either overly involved in her life or not involved at all. The statement is also an all-encompassing description of Emmie’s social issues because she cannot seem to strike a balance between embracing her introversion and making friends, which she wants to do. For Emmie, part of Coping With and Overcoming Anxiety becomes learning how to find this balance.

“The more alone I was, the quieter I got.”

Emmie succinctly describes a cycle she found herself in. As she grew up, she began to feel isolated, which led to her speaking less and less, and slowly these issues compounded. Emmie learns that she has qualities to offer and things to say and starts to appreciate herself more by the story’s conclusion.

“That’s pretty much my background in a nutshell. It isn’t very interesting. But I like to think that someday it will be.

It just has to be.”

Emmie is prone to negative self-talk, as she believes herself to be someone who is not worth knowing. It is this false belief that prevents her from making new friends. Emmie’s life and personality are still forming, which means she must be patient with herself.

“They’re pretty cool, as far as parents go. And so far, they’ve never embarrassed me.”

Katie’s perfect life seems too good to be true, and one of the clues that that might be the case is the way her parents are so easygoing, always around, and always handing out candy. In addition, they never embarrass her. This is the life that Emmie wants, and it contrasts completely with her own life in which she feels disconnected from her parents.

“Whenever I walk into school, I start feeling the knots. That’s when my stomach gets all tight, and I have to take exactly ten deep breaths to unsqueeze everything.”

Emmie refers to the way her stomach tenses up as “the knots.” This is a common symptom of anxiety and one that Emmie must cope with on her own because nobody around her seems to have the same problem. Emmie teaches herself to breathe in order to ease this tension, but it still takes hours for her to feel relaxed, and then the entire process starts all over again the next school day.

“Sometimes I wonder…does anyone ever see me? Do I even want them to?”

Emmie reflects on her social anxiety and her place among her peer group. She feels like an outcast, but she starts to realize that it is her anxiety that has been preventing her from reaching out to others. The more Emmie reflects on this throughout the day, the more frustrated she becomes, which eventually leads her to speak up and make new friends.

“Like my house, my locker is in the center of everything.”

When Katie talks about her (imaginary) life, everything is perfect. She herself is “the center of everything,” beloved by all. She relates the facts of her life with such matter-of-factness that she can be difficult to take seriously—one of the many indicators that Katie’s life may not be all it seems.

“Even though she is supersmart, she is fun to hang out with (aside from her bossiness).”

Emmie’s best friend, Brianna, is in many ways her opposite. She is outgoing, good at every subject, and a natural leader. Emmie’s account of her life and the people in it is honest but kind, and she eases into her criticism of her friend by complimenting her first.

“The more I draw, the more my stomach unknots.”

Emmie’s drawing is her passion, but it is also a way for her to cope with the anxiety that comes along with attending middle school. Emmie finds it challenging to interact with her peers and be herself around new people, and drawing offers her an escape from worrying about all that. It calms her nerves and frees up her mind.

“Poor girl. But honestly, I don’t understand people who don’t stick up for themselves. It’s not like it takes effort.”

When Emmie writes from Katie’s perspective, she puts herself down and talks from outside herself, as if she can see her own flaws but does not know how to change them. Emmie wants to stand up to her bully, but it takes being pushed to the edge for her to break out of her anxiety and do so.

“To Coach Durdle’s credit, she shows us how to do everything first, and we get a lot of practice. To her discredit, she uses students to demonstrate each skill (and we get a lot of practice).”

In this humorous statement, Emmie notes the benefits and downfalls of her gym teacher’s approach to teaching physical education. Emmie is asked to demonstrate touching her toes, and when she cannot do so, she once again feels humiliated in front of her peers.

“I don’t know why I feel so self-conscious. It’s not like anyone is looking at me.”

Emmie is often self-deprecating, creating a cycle for herself in which she thinks nobody wants to acknowledge her, so she tries not to be seen. This quote also illustrates how Emmie’s thoughts and emotions often conflict and how her anxiety rules her thoughts.

“I should probably backtrack and tell you about Tyler Ross.”

Emmie breaks the fourth wall at times, as if she is telling the story of her day to a new friend. This adds personability to the story and a casualness that makes Emmie more relatable and realistic.

“When I sketch for a long time, something happens: my mind starts to drift off. It’s like when people say they’re driving and they totally check out and can’t remember how they got from Point A to Point B.”

Emmie uses a simile to compare the way she enters an altered state of mind when she brings to draw, often referred to as “the zone.” This state of mind allows Emmie to be natural and just draw whatever comes out of the process, and for the most part it is beneficial, providing her with a respite from her anxiety. At times, however, it backfires—as when she is discovered by Joe Lungo.

“Actually, those gaps kind of do describe my personality.”

Emmie makes a collage in art class that, like the drawings she creates, features a lot of negative space. She feels as if these blanks express who she is. In truth, Emmie doesn’t know who she is yet, and unlike the characters in many stories, she feels she doesn’t fit into any common stereotypes. She hopes that these blank spaces will be filled as she grows up.

“Well, maybe people don’t hear you ’cause you speak so softly. And maybe they don’t see you ’cause you walk like you don’t want to be seen.”

When Katie says this to Emmie, it is really Emmie talking to herself. She reflects on her social life and how she has contributed to her own isolation. It is this realization that allows her to finally overcome her anxiety, speak up for herself, and reach out to others.

“Joe Lungo must’ve spread the word faster than wildfire.”

In this metaphor, a panic-stricken Emmie thinks about how quickly news of her love poem has spread. She draws a comparative chart that humorously outlines the similarities and differences between Joe Lungo and a wildfire to expand upon the simile.

“This can’t be happening. It’s Emmie. She’s sweet and all, but she’s no threat. Right?”

Emmie’s self-esteem is low, and because of that, even the character that she creates, Katie, sees Emmie as less than significant. Emmie feels like she is powerless and invisible in her social life and begins to wonder if this is something she subconsciously wanted because she thought it would make her life easier.

“Why are you always trying to save me?”

It has not yet been revealed that Katie is a figment of Emmie’s imagination. Katie has been stepping in whenever Emmie could not defend herself. In reality, the character of Katie was something Emmie invented for this very reason, but in this turn of events, Emmie’s perspective evolves and she starts to feel like Katie is holding her back more than helping her.

“How could I let this happen? My mom says things usually happen for a reason. I’m still trying to sort that one out. Maybe my emotional wreckage was meant to amuse everyone? If so, mission totally accomplished.”

In this moment of self-reflection, Emmie foreshadows the upcoming change in her personality. She wonders how all the embarrassment surrounding the love poem could have possibly had a purpose, but that purpose turns out to be twofold: It forces her to stand up to her bully, and it allows her to let go of Katie and be herself.

“I start to get really warm, like there’s a fire kindling in my face. But it’s not embarrassment—it’s something else. Then the unexpected happens.

STOP IT, JOE!”

Emmie uses a simile to describe the physical feeling that often comes along with either anger or embarrassment. These feelings are closely related, as Emmie realizes in this moment. She has the same sensation that she gets when she feels humiliated, only this time she becomes enraged after struggling in silence for so long. This quote also shows how the prose within the story offers only a partial picture of the story’s plot and character arc and how, to understand it completely, a reader needs to put together the prose with the comic strips.