30 pages • 1 hour read
Marriage is a Private Affair
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Themes
Change and Tradition
In “Marriage is a Private Affair” the theme of change and tradition is central to the story and is exemplified in the fraught relationship between Nnaemeka and his father, Okeke.
The narrative explores the tension between the old traditional ways of life and the newer, more modern ideas of the younger generation. The story is set in Nigeria and follows the character of Nnaemeka, who experiences the struggle between following his heart and marrying the woman he loves or adhering to the traditional ways of his tribe and marrying a woman of his father’s choosing.
Nnaemeka represents the forces of change in the story. He has been educated in the city and has embraced modern ideas about love and marriage. He falls in love with a woman named Nene, who is not from his tribe and is therefore not approved of by his father. Nnaemeka wants to marry Nene and is willing to break with tradition and face the disapproval of his father to do so. He believes that he should have the right to choose his own partner and that love should be the most important factor in marriage.
Despite this, however, Nnaemeka is intensely respectful of his father and does his best to maintain their relationship even when Okeke disowns him and refuses to have any contact with Nnaemeka and his family.
Okeke, on the other hand, represents the forces of tradition in the story. He believes in arranged marriages and the importance of following the customs of their tribe. He is outraged when he hears that his son wants to marry a woman from a different tribe and refuses to accept her as his daughter-in-law.
Nnaemeka is certain that his father will change his mind when he meets Nene in person, but to this suggestion, Okeke responds, “I shall never see her” (26). Okeke’s resistance to change in general and to Nnaemeka’s desire to marry Nene comes from a place of love, but also of fear. He worries that Nnaemeka will be in danger if he continues down this path which leads away from the traditional Igbo ways.
Ultimately, however, Okeke is swayed to the beginnings of acceptance of his son’s family when he receives a heartfelt letter from Nene expressing her desire that Okeke know his grandsons.
Upon receiving the letter and learning that his grandsons want to know him, Okeke feels “the resolution he had built up over so many years falling in” (29). This suggests that as important as tribal tradition is to Okeke, his love for his son and family is even stronger.
The fact that Nature herself is “[taking] a hand in this human fight” (29) indicates that Okeke is at last on the right path.
Conceptions of Marriage
“Marriage is a Private Affair” explores the conceptions of marriage in traditional Nigerian society and the clashes that arise when these conceptions are challenged by modernity.
In the story, the main character, Nnaemeka, is engaged to marry Nene, a woman he loves deeply. When the story opens, Nene, who has lived in Lagos her whole life, is encouraging Nnaemeka to share the happy news of their engagement with his father. Nnaemeka is reluctant to do so, particularly via letter, because he fears that Okeke will not approve of the engagement at all.
As Nnaemeka expects, when he tells his father about Nene and their plans to get married, Okeke is outraged—not only because Nene is not of Okeke’s choosing, but also because she is not Igbo.
Okeke has chosen a young woman, Ugoye, for Nnaemeka to marry. She is “the eldest daughter of [their] neighbor […] [and] [s]he has a proper Christian upbringing” (24). Moreover, “she has received all the training a wife could need […] [and] she reads her Bible very fluently” (24). In Okeke’s mind, these are the most important characteristics one should consider in a potential wife, and Nnaemeka’s insistence that he can’t marry Ugoye because he doesn’t love her is not even remotely relevant.
Okeke believes that marriage should be arranged within the same tribe and that it is a communal affair that involves both families. He sees Nnaemeka’s decision to marry Nene as a betrayal of his cultural and familial responsibilities.
Nnaemeka, on the other hand, believes that marriage is a private matter between two people and that he should be free to marry whom he wants.
He is influenced by Western ideas and has been exposed to a different way of thinking about marriage. He argues that he loves Nene and that should be the only thing that matters. Furthermore, he tries to appease his father with the facts that Nene “is a good Christian […] and a teacher in a Girls’ School in Lagos” (25). According to Okeke, however, “no Christian woman should teach. […] [W]omen should keep silence” (25). Interestingly, Okeke’s own wife is conspicuously absent from this story, suggesting that women have no place in the decision-making processes of the tribe.
Throughout the story, Achebe juxtaposes these conflicting views of marriage. Okeke represents the traditional Nigerian conception of marriage, which is based on community, tradition, and duty. For him, marriage is not just about the couple, but also about the extended family and the tribe. On the other hand, Nnaemeka represents the modern conception of marriage, which is based on personal choice, love, and individual happiness. He believes that marriage should be a private affair between two consenting adults and that cultural and societal norms should not dictate who one can or cannot marry.
Achebe’s “Marriage is a Private Affair” explores the clash between traditional and modern conceptions of marriage in Nigerian society. The story highlights the tension between communal values and individual rights, and raises important questions about the role of culture, tradition, and personal choice in shaping one’s decisions about love and marriage.
Generational Conflict
In addition to exploring the clash between traditional and modern conceptions of marriage, “Marriage is a Private Affair” also deals with the theme of generational conflict. The story portrays the tension that arises between Nnaemeka and his father, Okeke, as they hold vastly different beliefs about marriage and family.
Okeke represents the older generation, which is steeped in traditional Nigerian culture and values. He strongly believes that marriage should be arranged within the same tribe, and that it is a communal affair that involves the entire family. For him, the family’s honor and reputation are at stake, and he sees Nnaemeka’s decision to marry Nene, a woman from a different tribe, as a betrayal of his cultural and familial responsibilities. Further, Okeke and his peers see Nnaemeka’s betrayal as “the beginning of the end” (26), and a fulfillment of the Bible’s prophecy that “Sons shall rise against their Fathers” (26).
On the other hand, Nnaemeka represents the younger generation, which is more influenced by Western ideas and values. He believes that marriage is a union between two people and that he should be free to choose his own partner based on love and personal compatibility, regardless of tribal or cultural differences. Nnaemeka’s decision to marry Nene represents a break from tradition and a rejection of his father’s values.
The conflict between Okeke and Nnaemeka highlights the larger issue of generational conflict in Nigerian society. Achebe portrays the tension between the older, more traditional generation and the younger, more modern generation as a natural and inevitable part of social change. The older generation clings to tradition and the values that have defined their culture for generations, while the younger generation seeks to challenge those values and embrace new ideas.
Achebe does not offer a clear resolution to this conflict in “Marriage is a Private Affair.” Instead, he ends the story with an ambiguous ending, leaving the reader to ponder the implications of this clash of values and the potential for reconciliation between the generations. The story suggests that the younger generation will continue to challenge the traditional ways of their elders, but that there is still a need for respect and understanding between the two groups.
The tension between Okeke and Nnaemeka highlights the clash between traditional and modern values in Nigerian society, and the story suggests that this conflict will continue as social change progresses. Ultimately, the story raises important questions about the role of tradition, culture, and personal choice in shaping one’s beliefs and values.
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