Starfish

“I plan to become a storyteller, / and a poet, / to help people feel what it’s like / to live in / someone else’s skin. / / Mom’s a journalist, / determined to expose / all that’s wrong in the world / and spotlight everyone’s flaws, / not caring if she / gets under people’s skin.”

This quote establishes the dynamic and conflict between Ellie and Mom. Ellie uses their respective roles as writers to analogize their approaches to the world: She herself is a poet who treats others with empathy, while Mom is a journalist who criticizes. This analogy situates Ellie’s relationship with Mom within The Power of Words theme, displaying how both characters use words as tools of expression, but in contrasting creative and destructive ways.

“As I float, / I spread out my arms / and my legs. / I’m a starfish, / taking up all the room I want.”

This is the first moment in which Ellie associates the image of a starfish with herself. Following her experience at a plus-size boutique, she begins to accept the idea that she doesn’t have to make herself smaller to fit into the world. Thus, the starfish becomes a symbol of Ellie’s journey toward self-acceptance and taking up space.

“And I remember [Nana Montgomery’s] words / after every lesson. / ‘No matter what others say or do, / embrace what makes you, you.’”

Ellie’s memory of her grandmother, Nana Montgomery, reminds her of an important lesson in self-acceptance. Her relationship with Nana Montgomery contrasts with her relationship with Mom: Nana was supportive like Dad, nurturing Ellie’s passions and treating her like a person. This memory further underscores the damaging nature of Ellie’s relationship with Mom.

“Technically, Mom used fat / as an adjective / to describe me, / but with her tone, / she made it a noun / to define me.”

Ellie uses language itself as an analogy to understand the way her mother has impacted her self-image. By framing Mom’s abuse as conflating Ellie’s personhood (“Nouns”) and physical traits (“Adjectives”), Ellie indicates how Mom has fundamentally changed the way she conceptualizes herself. The repetition in these lines (“an adjective / to describe me” and “a noun / to define me”) reinforce the subtle projection of Mom’s beauty and health standards onto Ellie.

“‘Yep,’ [Dr. Wood] tells me. ‘How about this: / Write down the hurtful words people say / so you don’t have to / carry them around in here.’ / She taps her head / and her heart.”

This moment explicitly references the Power of Words to both heal and hurt. The words of others have damaged Ellie, yet she turns to words to process her emotions, as Dr. Wood suggests expressing oneself in this way can be cathartic. This quote also comments on the genre of the novel as a novel-in-verse: Ellie’s poetry uses the power of words to create a physical space of self-expression and transformation.

“Standing up for myself / is a good thing, right? / So why do I feel / so mean, / so sad?”

This is the first instance in which Ellie realizes that insulting bullies isn’t a solution to bullying, as it hurts her to be cruel (even if it is justified). This moment demonstrates Ellie’s compassion, as hurling hurtful words at Marissa and Kortnee doesn’t bring her any satisfaction.

“Could Catalina be right? / Could it be Mom’s thinking that needs fixing / and / not me?”

For the first time, Ellie considers that Mom might be the one who needs to change, not her. The line breaks that separate “and / not me?” from the poem’s longer lines convey Ellie’s tentative tone, reflecting that she isn’t ready to let go of the instinct to hate herself and make herself smaller.

“I shake my head. / ‘So I can defend myself / without attacking others?’ / ’Good Jedi, you are.’”

This moment encompasses the novel’s theme of Defending Yourself Without Attacking Others. It not only applies to how Ellie reacts to bullying, but suggests that bullies like Enemy Number 3 and Kortnee hurt others out of a need to protect their own insecurities—which only perpetuates the cycle of harm. Through learning this lesson from Dr. Wood, Ellie chooses to break the cycle by not redirecting her pain at others.

“Like I said, / Mom always decides what I get.”

The events of this poem underscore the immense power Mom has over Ellie’s self-conceptualization and the kind of treatment she expects from others. In this moment, Mom decides that Ellie doesn’t get an apology from the people who publicly humiliated her, but on a larger level, Mom decides that bullying and criticism are justified treatments of Ellie because of her weight—in turn enforcing this perspective on Ellie. This quote demonstrates that a great deal of hate comes from people like Mom, who refuse to treat others with respect and allow behavior that dehumanizes others to continue.

“As I walk away, / I realize I’ve been / starfishing— / starting to claim my right / to take up space / in this place.”

The second time Ellie invokes the starfish symbol demonstrates her progress toward Self-Acceptance: Being Comfortable Taking Up Space. Ellie progresses from considering the idea of self-acceptance to putting it into practice by standing up to Enemy Number 3.

“But then I decide to speak up. / I do know my worth.”

The moment Ellie talks back to her brother Liam is important for her character arc. She’s finally beginning to accept her own worth and assert her right to being treated with respect—first during her confrontation with school bully Enemy Number Three, and now with one of her family members.

“’I don’t know what happened to you / or why people are so mean, Ellie, / but I do know / whatever someone did is / a reflection of them. / Not you.”

Catalina’s words to Ellie encompass the theme of others’ cruelty being motivated by their own insecurities. This moment is also a pivotal one for Catalina and Ellie’s relationship: By asserting that Ellie doesn’t deserve others’ ill treatment, Catalina strengthens Ellie’s trust in her.

“Then I get it. / Enemy Number 3’s not just a bully. / People bully him / because he’s poor and / wears raggedy clothes. / / But I just don’t understand how / someone who’s bullied / and knows how horrible it feels inside / turns around and bullies others. / That’s pure garbage.”

Enemy Number 3 teaches Ellie that other people can be driven to bully by their own experiences as victims of bullying. This demonstrates how bullying can be a cycle of harm in which one person redirects their hurt onto others. This moment also highlights the significance of Ellie’s choice to defend herself without attacking others: She breaks the cycle of harm by redirecting her pain into empathy and self-expression.

“Mirrors are heavier than they look. / When I tried to pry mine off the wall, / I dropped it. / Watched it shatter into a bazillion pieces. / I saw bits and pieces of me / in the shards. / / And it hit me. / That’s how people see me, as bits and pieces of fat. / Not as a person.”

The image of a shattered mirror conveys how both Mom and others’ abuse have metaphorically shattered Ellie—both her heart and her sense of self. As a general symbol of introspection and self-awareness, the fragmented mirror evokes profound displacement and dissociation, reinforcing how these feelings are invoked in Ellie by others’ dehumanization of her.

“Doc puts down her notepad. / ‘The problem with / the Fat Girl Rules is / you’ve let them not only / decide how you’re going to live, / but also define who you are.’”

Dr. Wood gives Ellie insight into how she has devalued herself with her Fat Girl Rules. This develops the Self-Acceptance: Being Comfortable Taking Up Space theme, as Ellie understands that instead of shrinking herself, she must allow herself to take up space—starting with releasing herself from the Fat Girl Rules that offer a false sense of security.

“I nod, / do an amazingly good impression / of a bobblehead. / ‘I’m fat. / I deserve whatever anyone / says or does to me.’”

During therapy, Ellie discovers that she allows others to treat her poorly because she secretly feels she deserves it. This reveals an important facet of Ellie’s character and provides a direction for the next stage of her character arc, as she works on tackling this feeling of unworthiness.

“I think about what Doc said, / how I need to replace all my / untrue, negative thoughts with / true, positive thoughts. / / So I say to myself, / I’m not a whale. / I’m Ellie.”

Where previously, Ellie might have internalized her bully Kortnee’s words and accepted them as true, her reaction here demonstrates her development. Not only has Ellie learned to externally challenge her bullies, she has also begun doing the harder work of undoing all the hurtful words she’s internalized and reinforced to herself.

“I see me, / all of me, / for the first time / in a long time. / / My brown, curly hair. / Milk-chocolate eyes. / Slightly tanned skin from swimming. / Apple cheeks. / Round, soft body. / / I can’t hold back the tears. / / It’s beautiful. / / And I’m beautiful.”

Mirrors have long been a negative symbol for Ellie, associated with the cruel things Mom made her believe about her body and representing her shattered sense of self. Catalina challenges this association, using a mirror to show Ellie her own beauty. Ellie’s diction here, as she describes her own body, is softer, indicating that she sees her reflection positively for the first time. This moment reinforces the narrative role of Catalina’s friendship; she literally holds up a mirror that reflects Ellie’s beauty and goodness.

“It’s my turn to slam / my body against a wall / and suck in my stomach / to make room for [Enemy Number 3] / so he doesn’t know / I know where he gets his clothes. / He might not deserve that kindness, / but I know he needs it.”

In this moment, Ellie is in a position of power over Enemy Number 3: She could target his insecurity the way he has her, but chooses not to. Ellie’s compassion distinguishes her from her bullies: Where they use any advantage they have over others to harm them and elevate themselves, Ellie never forsakes her kindness and extends it even when it may not be deserved.

“And I’m not going to let / either of you bully me ever again. / You two think you’re better than me. / But you’re just pathetic.”

Ellie’s confrontation with Marissa and Kortnee is part of the novel’s climax. She no longer allows Marissa and Kortnee to have power over her, refusing to play their games. With Support from Others, Ellie breaks free from her bullies’ influence and puts a stop to their abuse of her (without outright attacking them).

“‘Take a good look, Mom.’ / I turn in a circle. / Once. / Twice. / Three times. / ‘Am I just a thing to you? / Behold the / thiiiiiiing!’”

Ellie throws Mom’s most hurtful words back in her face, reclaiming power over them. She no longer suffers in silence; she dismisses the words’ power over her by expressing them and rejecting their ability to define her.

“As I look over it, / I realize I’ve been / preparing for a trial, / offering up a defense / of why I should be loved. / I toss it in the trash.”

Ellie’s discarding of her prepared statement for Mom is a pivotal moment in her character arc. She recognizes in her own words a lingering desperation to be loved rather than an unconditional confidence in her own worth. In this moment, Ellie realizes once and for all that she has the innate right to exist just as she is, and have her experiences and feelings taken seriously. This realization preludes the emotional climax of Ellie’s journey, as it drives her to confront Mom and communicate the pain she has caused her.

“I walk over to [Mom] / and place in her hands / a notebook full / of all the ugly words / she’s ever said to me. / / ‘It’s time for you / to carry the weight.’ / / She crumbles.”

This moment is the narrative’s climax, as Ellie faces Mom—the source of most of her internal conflicts. This is the most difficult confrontation for Ellie, filled with complicated emotions such as her fear that Mom doesn’t love her and that she isn’t complete without her love. This moment powerfully concludes the theme of The Power of Words, as Mom is directly confronted with how she’s harmed Ellie with her words. The final line ends with a potent image of Mom undone by her own actions—yet leaves room for the reader’s interpretation of how Mom reacts in the aftermath.