The Art of Courtly Love

The First Dialogue explains how a middle-class man should address a middle-class woman. He should greet her “in his usual way” (36). He may wait for her to start a conversation, but if she does not, he should say something that has nothing to do with love—“make her laugh at something, or else praise her home, or her family, or herself” (37). Middle-class women, especially from the country, “readily believe every word that looks like praise” (37).

The dialogue begins with the man praising the woman’s beauty and good sense and expressing his hope that his merits are enough to endear her to him. The woman accuses him of “telling fibs” since she does not possess the qualities that he ascribes to her and notes that middle-class women should not be required to possess the “very highest wisdom” (37). The man replies that the woman shows her wisdom by not praising herself, which should be left to others to do. Her good character and manners have made her “a more worthy kind of nobility” (38). The woman counters that if she is so noble, then she should seek a nobleman’s love. The man responds that if his character is excellent, then he too should be considered a nobleman, and he hopes that she will at least give him “the hope of [her] love” (39).

The woman expresses revulsion at receiving advances from such an old man as she is still quite young. The man counters that she should judge his age from his heart. Besides, young men may not have had the time to perform good deeds, in which case the woman’s love can inspire the man to be honorable and wise. This will be a credit to her since she will give her love as a gift rather than as payment for good deeds. The woman counters that she should choose a man who is “already trained rather than one whom [she] must go to the trouble of training” (41). The man replies that the woman has misunderstood him. His point was that society gains more when a man becomes ennobled through love than when a man of already good character increases that character.

To further clarify his point, the man asserts that the woman can accept a man who is still developing his character during one of the first stages of love. The four stages are giving hope, granting a kiss, enjoying an embrace, and lastly, yielding the whole self. It is appropriate for a woman to give hope to a man who is still developing. Depending on whether his character improves, she can proceed to the following stages or withdraw her love. Finally, the man rebukes the woman for preferring a lover who is already trained since what is gained through labor is valued more than what comes easily. The woman remarks that the man will have to exhaust himself with “a great deal of labor” (44) before he gets what he wants. The man rejoices that the woman has “prudently promised” (44) her love and notes that it would be unreasonable to deny rewards to one who performed good deeds.

The Second Dialogue is between a man of the middle-class and a woman of the nobility. If the noblewoman lacks sophistication, the middle-class man may follow the same guidelines as he followed when addressing the middle-class woman, though he should add praise of the noblewoman’s family. If she is “wise and shrewd” (44), though, the middle-class man should be careful not to overdo his praise of her. Otherwise, she will think either that he is a poor conversationalist or that he “thinks her a fool” (44). After beginning a conversation “in the usual way” (44), the middle-class man should express that his strong affection for the woman compels him to speak and his hopes that her nobility will inspire her to endure any foolishness on his part.

The man asserts that since “Love” (45) does not differentiate among classes, neither should lovers. He asks for “a patient hearing” (45), expresses the intensity of his feelings for her, and explains the depth of his suffering, which can only be eased if she gives him hope. The woman replies that she will chose to ignore the insult to her family that his declaration of love represents since it is “unladylike for a noblewoman to speak harsh and discourteous words” (46). She reminds the man that “distinctions of rank” have existed “from the very beginning” (46), and it is presumptuous of the man to ignore them. She invokes Love’s unequal weights, noting that while any man can fall in love with any woman, women have the choice whether to accept that man’s love or not. She tells him he is laboring in vain for her love. The man praises the woman for her “kindly and gentle answer” and says her “grave and troublesome” assertions are “absurd” (48). He argues that one’s class is best determined “by his character than by his birth” (49). Thus, a woman should inquire whether a man is worthy of her loved based on the quality of his character and only refuse him if she is promised to another.

The woman counters that the man is trying to use eloquence to compensate for his mistakes. She argues that if social rank were irrelevant, it would not have been established and upheld, and she does not believe the man worthy of her love. Although he claims he will not dispute the noblewoman, the man reiterates that he does not see why a middle-class man of noble character cannot earn the love of a woman of higher social rank since both are descended from Adam. The woman tells him to “leave [her] for others” (52). The man pledges never to give up hope of gaining her love. The woman replies, “May God give you a reward suited to your effort,” which the man interprets as his hope “bearing fruit” (53).

The Third Dialogue is between a middle-class man and a woman of the higher nobility. Andreas emphasizes that a middle-class man who aspires for the love of such a woman must have extraordinary character with “uncounted good deeds” (53) to his name. It would otherwise be “a cause of reproach” (53) for a higher noblewoman to accept his love, and she should put him through many trials before accepting him.

The man begins by admitting the pointlessness of flattering her since her character and beauty are well known. He offers his humble services with “firm faith” (54) that they will bear fruit. He says that he wants only hope, “even one granted with a deceitful mind” (55). The noblewoman replies that it would be avaricious to reject anyone’s services, but she does not want to love, especially from a man two classes below her own, which would impugn her character. Further, his implication that she would be deceitful proves he is not worthy of her love. The man counters that it is more pleasant to live with love than without it. He notes that social rank is only meant to distinguish the unworthy, citing the New Testament (I Tim 1:9) that “the law is not made for the just man, but for sinners” (56). The woman admits that good character can “ennoble a commoner” (56), but only a prince can raise one’s rank. She criticizes his physical appearance as providing evidence against him. The man responds that if good character earns nobility, and only the noble can earn the love of a noblewoman, then good character is enough to earn a noblewoman’s love. To refute her criticism of his physical appearance, he cites a king of Hungary who is known for being “almost wholly destitute of beauty” (57) yet of worthy character.

The woman accepts his defense but asks for evidence of his exceptional good deeds. He praises her courtesy then asks her to teach him those things that “make a man most worthy of being loved” (58) since he is still new to love. The woman responds that he must be worthy of love before requesting it but agrees to give him some advice. To be worthy of love, a man must be generous, pious, humble, be ready to serve others, not disparage others or be dishonest, and attempt to elevate others but banish them from his company if they “remain wholly incorrigible” (59). He should be prudent and not quarrelsome, discrete in the company of women, brave in battle, and “wise, cautious, and clever” (60). He should be social but limit gambling and be a devoted servant to all but a lover of only one woman at a time. He should not be excessively concerned with his appearance and be careful about making promises. If he follows all these rules, he will be worthy of love.

The man thanks her for guiding him and pledges to follow her advice with the hope that he will prove himself worthy of her. She replies that it “would be unseemly and discourteous” (61) to give him hope but encourages him to follow her advice for his own improvement. The man concludes by thanking her, reiterating his commitment to serving her and his hope that she may one day find him worthy.