The Bad Beginning

The hook-handed man hoists her into the room. Saying, “I was just thinking how much I wanted to see your pretty face” (105), he pushes her into a seat. She looks around: The filthy room, lit by candles, contains dirty dishes, empty wine bottles, piles of scrawled notes containing the Count’s evil plans, and drawings and carvings of eyeballs.

The man uses a walkie-talkie to inform Olaf about Violet’s attempt to rescue her sister. The Count orders him to bring Klaus to the tower room so that all three Baudelaires will be detained there until the wedding. As dawn approaches, Klaus stumbles in, and right away they begin searching the room for anything that might help them escape. They read the Count’s notes, Violet wonders if she can use the wine bottles as weapons, and Klaus mentions that, if the Count marries more than one wife, the wedding is illegal. They search and think for hours.

Count Olaf, dressed in fancy clothes, arrives with the hook-handed man. He promises that, if anything goes wrong with the wedding, the hook-handed man will drop Sunny to her death. The Count leads Violet and Sunny down the stairs. On the way down, Violet grabs at the banister for balance, and this gives her an idea.

Backstage, Violet and Klaus watch as the theatre troupe moves scenery and set decorations. They’ve never been behind the curtains of a live performance, and, despite their fear, they’re fascinated by the goings-on.

As the curtain falls at intermission, the Count notices that the children aren’t yet in costume, and he angrily insists they be hurried to the dressing room. There, the children are forced into dirty, uncomfortable costumes. Justice Strauss walks in, giddy about her upcoming role. She says she’s to read the wedding vow portion directly from her law book to make the play sound more realistic. The children suggest she change it around a bit—“[b]e creative”—but she insists she should do as the Count directs.

Mr. Poe and his wife arrive backstage. Mr. Poe tells them to “break a leg” (121) and then explains that it’s the traditional way to wish performers good luck. Klaus begins to tell Mr. Poe about their plight, but Olaf appears suddenly, walkie-talkie in hand, and Klaus can’t say anything. To Violet, he wishes they were able to break their legs; Olaf says, “You will, soon enough” (122).

They all take their places. The curtain goes up, and the “insipid” and “dull” play continues. The Count makes long, dull speeches, and finally Justice Strauss, eyes glowing with the excitement of her first public performance, intones the words of the formal wedding vows. Both Olaf and Violet say “I do,” and Strauss hands the wedding document to Violet. With her hand shaking, she signs it.

Count Olaf steps forward and announces that the play is finished and that the wedding is in fact a real event. He declares that, as Violet’s lawful husband, “[he is] in control of her entire fortune” (126). The audience gasps; some of the actors seem surprised. Justice Strauss protests that the wedding document is a mere prop and that Violet is underage, but Olaf shows her that the paper is from City Hall and that, as her guardian, his permission for her to wed makes Violet’s vows legally binding.

Mr. Poe rises from the audience and protests. Strauss, her eyes brimming, admits that Olaf is right and the marriage is valid. Klaus demands that Olaf release Sunny; the Count speaks into his walkie-talkie, ordering the hook-handed man to bring Sunny to the theatre. The bald man warns Klaus: “Don’t think you’re so safe […] Count Olaf will take care of you and your sisters later. He doesn’t want to do it in front of all these people” (129). The Count tells Poe that he’ll be at the bank in the morning to withdraw the entire Baudelaire fortune.

Violet interrupts and declares that she’s not married to Olaf. She explains that she signed the paper not with the usual right hand, but with the left. Olaf says that makes no difference. Mr. Poe asks Justice Strauss, who says that, technically, Violet’s left hand is not her “own hand,” and therefore she’s not legally married to the Count.

Olaf immediately speaks again into his walkie-talkie, but it’s too late: Sunny toddles onstage, followed by the hook-handed man. Klaus and Violet hug her. Olaf insists that the children still belong to him, but Mr. Poe disagrees. The Count says that trying to get married isn’t illegal; Strauss replies, “[T]here is something illegal about dangling an infant out of a tower window” (136). Mr. Poe makes a citizen’s arrest of Olaf.

Strauss says that she’ll adopt the Baudelaire children, and everything seems to have turned out all right. Suddenly, the lights go out and pandemonium ensues. Violet, who observed everything she could while onstage, finds her way blindly to the light controls. Just as she reaches for the switch, Olaf leans in and promises he’ll get their fortune one day. He says, “And when I have it, I’ll kill you and your siblings with my own two hands” (138). Terrified, she hits the switch and looks around, but Olaf and his accomplices are gone.

Mr. Poe leads the way outside. In the distance, they see a long, dark car turn a corner and disappear. Mr. Poe promises to call the police, but the children know that it’ll take more than that to stop Count Olaf. Mr. Poe remembers that the terms of the Baudelaire will require that he house the children with a relative; thus, Strauss cannot adopt them. They’ll stay once more at the Poe house until he can find a proper relative for them.

Sadly, the children hug Strauss goodbye and get into Mr. Poe’s car. As they drive away, the children feel that their lives are headed in an “aberrant” direction: “[T]he word ‘aberrant’ here means ‘very, very wrong, and causing much grief’” (142).

A letter from Lemony Snicket informs his editor that the next manuscript in the book series, The Reptile Room, can be found, on the following Tuesday morning in a container in a phone booth at a nearby hotel, along with a few related items. Snicket says this is the safest way to transfer the manuscript, lest it fall into the wrong hands.