Without Merit

Honor, Utah, and Merit pick up Sagan and Barnaby at the jail, where they discover Barnaby and Sagan tried to bury Wolfgang with Pastor Brian: Digging up a grave in a cemetery without a permit is illegal. Honor comments that now people will gossip about the Voss family even more than they already do. She tells Barnaby she is ashamed to be his daughter.

Barnaby orders Utah to stop driving. He tells his kids that he has always tried to do his best. He confesses that Vicky never had cancer, but her car accident triggered the mental health challenges that have interfered with her life. Emotionally, Barnaby reveals, “Watching her change from the woman I fell in love with to someone else entirely was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through” (306). He admits he was wrong to develop a relationship with Victoria, but it happened, and he’s tried to navigate the situation as best as he can. He explains how Victoria knows Barnaby is still in love with Vicky, and she’s aware he comforts Vicky when she experiences moments of clarity. Barnaby acknowledges that he has never corrected his children when they falsely suggest Victoria destroyed Barnaby and Vicky’s marriage. He encourages the lie about Vicky’s cancer because he wants Honor, Merit, and Utah to think highly of their mother.

Barnaby states that he will walk home. Luck, Sagan, Merit, Utah, and Honor decide to finish the job and bury Wolfgang with Pastor Brian.

Honor and Merit wait in the van while the male characters finish digging up Wolfgang from where the police buried him earlier at Pastor Brian’s church. Honor confronts Merit, asking her why she told Barnaby Honor is “one heartbeat away from being a necrophiliac” (313). Merit points out that Honor has dated young men experiencing critical illnesses in the last two years. Honor asks Merit if she is falling in love with Sagan, and Merit realizes, “Fallen is an understatement. It was more like collapsed. Plummeted. Crumpled at his feet” (315). Honor explains to Merit that she felt the same way for Kirk. After Kirk died, Honor joined online message boards to connect with other people experiencing terminal illnesses. She initially did so out of desperation to communicate with Kirk; Honor hoped to convey how much she loves and misses Kirk to people she knew would soon die so they could tell Kirk in the afterlife. Simultaneously, Honor finds purpose in comforting her boyfriends as they approach death. Honor thinks Merit is cruel for judging her relationships harshly.

Merit realizes she never tried to empathize with her sister after Kirk’s passing. Thinking about losing Sagan the way Honor lost Kirk gives Merit a new perspective and clarity about her sister’s feelings. Merit registers how she damaged her and Honor’s relationship with her judgmental attitude when she should have offered her sister support. Merit hugs Honor and promises to be a better sister.

When they return home late at night, Vicky asks Honor, Merit, and Utah to come to the basement. Vicky believes she hears a dog in the backyard. Merit views her mother more sympathetically after her father’s confession, and she can tell her siblings feel the same way. Utah checks the area where Vicky hears a dog whimpering, and they discover two very young puppies. They realize Wolfgang was a girl, and she likely died while birthing her puppies. Vicky is delighted by the puppies and immediately suggests keeping one. Honor proposes Vicky move into the old house behind the church with Utah, where it will be easier to care for a dog. Encouragingly, Vicky considers the possibility of leaving the basement.

Honor, Luck, and Utah leave for the emergency vet with the puppies. Merit finds Barnaby alone in quarter one. She tries to talk to him and apologize, but instead, they embrace. Merit remembers praying for a new focus and believes her prayers have been answered.

Sagan reveals Merit’s tattoo: It says “With Merit” in a small font. Merit had signed her suicide note “Without Merit.” Merit becomes emotional, realizing the significance of her tattoo. Sagan hugs Merit and looks as though he might kiss her, but then he leaves for bed.

Merit shows Luck the results of the personal quiz regarding depression, and she confesses that she feels worried she has mental health challenges like her mother. When she tells Luck she feels abnormal, he calls Sagan, Honor, and Utah into her room. Luck lists everything abnormal about each person, demonstrating The Illusion of Normality. Sagan stays with Merit after the others leave for bed. He confesses that he doesn’t like Merit’s comparison of her complicated family relationships with Sagan’s separation from his family. Sagan explains that everyone has a different baseline for stress, so it is unhelpful to compare one person’s situation with another’s. Merit agrees, and she falls asleep with Sagan holding her.

Sagan sleeps in Merit’s room, and Merit wakes to discover a sketch of a hand with two hearts tied to it like a marionette. Finding Sagan in Merit’s room, Barnaby kicks Sagan out of Dollar Voss and into their old property. Barnaby tells Merit that she is grounded, will return to school on Monday, and is not permitted to miss a day of school for the rest of the year. He also tells Merit that the entire family will attend group therapy after school on Monday. Merit happily accepts this news, and she appreciates her father’s assertiveness.

Even though Victoria usually handles the cooking, Merit and Honor make breakfast for the entire family. The family sits happily together and finishes the meal. Moby asks Utah if he is gay and what it means to be gay. Victoria, Utah, and Barnaby provide an honest answer for Moby. The police arrive, inquiring about the disturbed graves. Barnaby knows his children moved Wolfgang to Pastor Brian’s grave, but he tells the police that they are wasting their time and to leave.

Sagan invites Merit to see her old house where he, Utah, and hopefully Vicky will live. She is impressed with the work Utah has put into the place, and she’s excited to know that Sagan chose to live here. When Barnaby kicked Sagan out of Dollar Voss, he allowed Sagan to stay if Sagan promised he would not pursue Merit romantically. Sagan’s departure for the old Voss property indicates he desires a relationship with Merit. When Sagan’s phone rings, Merit realizes that she now also feels hope that Sagan’s parents are calling. Sagan kisses Merit slowly, and Merit enjoys knowing she and Sagan have plenty of time to build their relationship. Honor calls Merit, warning her that Barnaby has returned home from running an errand. Knowing she is grounded, Merit runs home and realizes she considers Dollar Voss home, not simply a house, for the first time.